I have had some time to think about your suggestions, for which I should thank you. You have always been clear about your expectations of me, and I am afraid I haven’t been as courteous. It’s just that, until recently I didn’t feel that we knew each other well enough for me to tell you about what I want, but the passions expressed in your most recent letter, have moved me to meet your urgency with an expression of what we might come to mean to each other.
Dear Creditor, I can see why you might have been frustrated by my lack of commitment previously.
I have been stupid and taken this relationship for granted. I made assumptions about what you wanted and I can see now that I haven’t given enough of myself. You know that I am hungry, but also that I haven’t ever turned my hunger towards you. I get it now. I am here. Let’s find a space where we both feel safe to tell each other what we need.
I’ve heard this is an important thing to do, and I want to try it now with you, dear creditor.
Over the years, you have shown me how committed you are to my long term becoming. You saw beyond my short term, frenetic thinking in our early years together, and are with me now on my hard fought transition out of shame and into, well something else?
I really feel that we can work towards something we both believe in, that moves us out of our old behaviours. Let’s move beyond what we thought we were, try something else. I am invested in this work, our work. You’re probably more aware of how I have changed than anyone, thank you for not making a big deal about it. Though... in some ways I feel that you’re still not convinced of my determination to move on from the historic script of my family.
You’ll come to see it in time I hope, I have some suggestions if you’ll let me...